10 Things You Don’t Have to Do To Be a Good Mom
You don’t have to be a superhero to be a good mom.
We really need is affordable childcare, paid maternity leave, and year round support-and yet, you’re already a superhero in your child’s eyes.
Because those things aren’t going to happen TODAY, I’ve compiled a list of 10 things that you don’t have to do to be a good mom.
If you take one look at social media, you see perfect photos of perfect parents doing perfect things, right?
Listen to me-it’s curated.
Every single family has struggles.
Every child has meltdowns.
So, let’s get to it, shall we?
Related: 8 Ways to Raise an Emotionally Secure Child
1.You Don’t Have to Take Pictures of Everything
You also don’t have to post photos of everything you or your kids do.
Social media is the new way that we are pushed to “keep up with the Joneses”.
Please remember that social media is a highlight reel and there is a LOT of work that goes on behind the scenes.
I once didn’t post a bunch of photos after a vacation because it felt like a lot of work to choose the best ones, so I just didn’t.
Do you know what happened?
Absolutely NOTHING.
I still have those photos forever and it’s okay that they never made it to social media.
So, take all the pictures of your kids and your life if it truly brings you joy.
But, sometimes it’s really refreshing to just BE with my family and take a break from documenting.
2. You Don’t Have to Entertain Them.
It can be hard to see your kids struggle with how to entertain themselves, and it can also be downright ANNOYING.
Just HOW many times can we hear “I’m BORED” before we go crazy?
Most of us have real, visceral reactions to the constant demand for directions, distractions, company, entertainment.
I am a mom who definitely needs some time to myself sometimes and I don’t always want to play.
Some Easy Ideas:
Making a list of activities WITH your child (not when they are already bored) that can be done when they can’t possibly think of anything to do-can help.
Allowing them to watch TV may also save your sanity and it really is okay.
Planning activities ahead of times can keep them just occupied enough to quell the antsy bored moments, too.
Ultimately, though, all of these ideas are to save you from the frayed nerves that come with their boredom.
Studies show that boredom is really very good for kids because it leads them to good ideas and creative endeavors.
If you can stand it, your child may very well end up creating a new game, drawing a beautiful picture, putting on a play with their stuffed animals, or finding something to do outside.
For those of you with kids under 6, remember that water can be a savior.
Run a bath, throw all the toys and bath crayons in with them, and voila!
A free 30 minutes-at least.
3. You Don’t Have to Follow the Crowd
It is okay to do what is right for YOUR family.
There is so much pressure to do so much for kids, which is definitely a reaction to the relatively low supervision the previous generation experienced.
Find what works for you, what your family finds fun, and what your family can sustain without burning out.
A few of the things you absolutely don’t have to do are things like first day of school social media posts, elf on the shelf, elaborate St. Patrick’s Day leprechaun setups.
You also don’t have to join the PTA (you’ll never see me there!), have a million mom friends, or cook organic meals.
The best parent is the parent who is HAPPY.
Do what brings you joy and forget the rest.
4. You Don’t Have to Go to Every Game
When we were kids, parents weren’t expected to be at EVERY game, practice, and meeting.
Somehow, we are now expected to sit at every soccer game, Scouts meeting, and track meet.
Not only is this a lot of time and energy for parents, it doesn’t allow kids to learn how to be without you.
I realize that most of us don’t want to be the ONE parent who isn’t present, and we don’t want our children to be the only ones without their parents.
All I’m saying is that sometimes only one parent has to go.
If you’re a single parent, it’s okay to send a grandparent, aunt, uncle, older sibling.
Your child will know that they are loved and supported, even if you bow out occasionally.
Related: 8 Ways to Raise an Emotionally Secure Child
5. You Don’t Have to Be Perfect
It can be so very hard when we feel like we have made a mistake with our children.
If you’re a cycle breaker like me, it can be excruciating to feel like we aren’t being the parent we want to be.
Fortunately, being imperfect, owning it, and apologizing freely is one of the MOST important ways to make sure that your child maintains a healthy, happy relationship with you.
Not only are you modeling humility to your child, you’re letting them know that you can see that you’ve hurt their feelings.
Give yourself some grace for all the hard work you’re doing to be good to your kids.
Your kids are so lucky.
6. You Don’t Have to Have a “Mom Group”
If you have a mom group that nourishes you, that’s wonderful.
If you don’t and you have fomo, think about what you are really missing.
Maybe what you want is ONE good friend who will text you back at 2am and drop everything to have a margarita with you.
Maybe the group photos on social media look really fun, but it feels like you’d be exhausted going out with 8 people on a Wednesday night.
No matter who you are, be brutally honest about who are.
Everyone looks like they are having the time of their lives online.
What is most fun for YOU, though?
If you want to connect with more people, maybe reach out to someone from the neighborhood, work, or school.
Start with one person and see what happens.
If you are tapped out because you work, take care of kids, and maybe find yourself taking care of aging parents-maybe you just really want 30 minutes to read a book or watch that TV show everyone is talking about.
There are different seasons of life and, while having close connections to others is important for everyone’s mental health, connection looks different depending on the season.
Don’t compare yourself to someone else’s highlight reel.
I promise that you’ll be happier.
7. You Don’t Have to Overschedule Your Kids
You don’t have to overschedule your kids-or yourself.
Somewhere along the way, it seems we’ve decided that we must put every ounce of available energy into getting our kids to multiple activities and play dates every week.
As humans, we really do need downtime.
Kids have a lot of energy, but they also need downtime.
Help your kids pay attention to their bodies so that they learn to know how much is too much.
It’s perfectly okay to have a weekend full of movies and popcorn.
It’s perfectly okay to tell your child that they have to choose ONE sport or activity at a time.
It’s also perfectly okay to save Sundays for rest.
If you have babies, toddlers, or preschoolers and feel as though having a weekend without plans is crazy-making, I get it.
Those young years can be challenging and sometimes having plans is actually easier than trying to relax at home, but I promise that it won’t be like that forever.
Googling ideas for entertaining little ones always gave me good ideas in a pinch.
Just remember that your rest matters, too.
8. You Don’t Have to Always Do Kid Things
You don’t have to listen to Kids Bop, I promise.
You can play regular music and your kids will absolutely be singing along in no time.
You don’t have to serve kid food, either.
Sure, your kid may only eat macaroni and cheese for weeks on end, but if your child is willing to try new things-offer them new things!
My toddler loved black olives and artichoke hearts.
He’s 7 and still does.
In a low pressure environment, just make everything available to them.
Take your child out into the world, but take them to festivals and restaurants and parks as you are able.
It’s okay to go places that you’ll enjoy too.
All of the experiences you give your kids at home and in the world are teaching them how to be in the world.
All of it is important.
9. You Don’t Have to Break the Bank
This is a big one.
It’s also a hard one.
Just like so many other things, we truly have no idea what anyone else’s financial situation is unless that’s the kind of relationship you have.
That family that goes on 8 vacations a year and sends their kids to private school may be in severe debt.
The family that hardly ever travels and eats at home all the time may be saving for something big.
Of course, there will always be people with more money than you have AND there will always be people who have less.
Your kids can have a good childhood no matter what, as long as they feel seen, heard, and loved.
One of my favorite memories of my own childhood involves my dad allowing me to have ice cream before dinner.
I bet you have some memories like that.
It cost nothing and it still makes me smile.
10. You Don’t Have to Be Hard on Yourself
You are doing so much.
Having a perfectly curated home, perfectly dressed kids, and the fittest body may not be possible for everyone.
You are allowed to tackle one goal at a time and decide not to tackle others.
Figure out what YOU value and go after that.
The rest of it can wait or just not be done.
Cooking, cleaning, exercising (and a lot of other things) are NOT moral issues.
You are not good or bad based on whether you do any of these things, even though it may feel that way.
Let some things go if you want to.
See how it feels.
Trust Yourself
There are a million ways to be a good parent.
Your child needs YOU, not someone else.
Honor your own limits and strive for contentment.
You will feel better and so will your family.
Love to read? This book will help you take all of this to heart.
And remember-you’re a great mom!
