15 Simple Ways to Get Your Child To Listen to You
As parents, it can feel like a lot of parenting is asking our children to do something and being met with upset or refusal.
With a little bit of time and attention, life with your child can be a lot more peaceful.
Let’s look at these 15 simple ways to get your child to listen to you…
Simple Ways to Get Your Child to Listen to You
1. Talk to them
Remember that your child isn’t just a small adult.
Children have underdeveloped brains that can’t cope with daily stressors quite as well as we do.
Even before children can speak, try verbally telling them what you are doing (“I’m going to change you now.”) and help them by letting them know what is going to happen next (“Then we are going to see Grandma”).
Children have very little control over how their time is spent.
Narrating their lives in this way helps them cope better with what’s happening, which will help them listen better.
2. Offer Help
If your child resists doing what you ask or even flat out refuses, offer help.
They may not want to do the task, but more often, they don’t know how to do the task or aren’t exactly sure what you’re asking.
Offering to help can diffuse the frustration and let them know that they don’t have to do it alone.
They’ll eventually master the chore and may do it with less resistance.
3. Slow Down
Trying to get out of the house is often fraught with slow kids and rushed parents, resulting in everyone leaving the house harried and sometimes very upset!
Build more time into your transition times (mornings, bedtime, leaving for an event).
Make sure that you can get ready calmly and allow a lot of extra time to help your child get ready for the transition.
Mornings and bedtime can often be hard because they are separating from you, and that can be hard.
Taking a little bit of extra time will make a big difference.
4. Connect
Kneeling down to get on your child’s level and making eye contact is the best way to let them know what you would like them to do.
We have all yelled from the top of the stairs with the hope that someone downstairs will hear you and do what you’ve asked-to mixed results, at best.
Talking to them calmly and clearly, at their level, will help them understand you and they’ll be more likely to complete the task after that short moment of connection.
5. Understand
Using phrases that help your child feel heard and understood will help them listen better.
Try to remember what it was like to be a kid, if you can.
You can say things like:
- “I know setting the table isn’t your favorite thing, but we really appreciate it.”
- “I can see that your angry about having to leave the playground. I know it’s hard to leave when you’re having fun. “
- “I understand that taking out the trash is new for you. What questions can I answer?”
6. Be Clear
Instead of just saying “No!”, explain what you’re saying no ABOUT. You can also explain what you would like your child to do instead.
You can say things like:
- “I think you’re bothering your sister by poking her, let’s keep our hands to ourselves.”
- “I really like it when you use your manners in a restaurant.”
- “In this house, we don’t say that. You can say this instead”.
7. Lower Your Expectations
Especially with younger children, it is so important to know that they will sometimes be tired, hungry, or both and that may result in tantrums or outbursts.
This is NORMAL for small children.
They don’t have the capacity to regulate their emotions yet.
We can all relate to being grumpy when we are tired and hungry, right?
Be willing to remove your child from the grocery store, parties, friend’s homes.
Calmly and quietly, be the port in the storm.
Their impulses may not let them stop biting when they’re angry yet, but you can protect them from themselves (and from hurting others) by taking them out of the situation.
It is okay to help your child when they are having trouble regulating their emotions.
8. Limit “No”
While saying no is an important tool in your toolbox, it may not be effective all the time.
Most kids respond really well to playfulness.
You can say things like
- “I wonder if your baby doll could pick up her toys. What do you think?”
- “What do you think would happen if we never took out the trash?”
9. Give Choices
We all like choices. Kids love to control what they can.
If it’s not urgent, ask them if they want to do the chore now or after lunch.
You can ask them if they’d rather do one chore or the other.
Let them have some control over their time.
10. Prepare Them
This goes for kids of all ages.
If you intend to let your child play Roblox for 45 minutes, set a timer.
Give them a five minute warning.
Let them know your expectation.
They may still grumble, but that’s where you can refer #5.
We don’t want to stop doing our favorite things either, right?
11. Play
You may not want to play on the floor with your child, but you can play games to make almost anything more fun.
Race up the stairs to the bathtub.
Carry them like a sack of potatoes to bed.
Set a timer to see who can put their shoes and socks on fastest.
Depending on the child, “losing” during a race up the stairs or putting on shoes may result in upset.
Use your judgement.
12. Behavior is Information
Children don’t always have the best verbal communication skills.
Communication is a learned behavior.
Tantrums look like anger, but can indicate that they are tired, hungry, overstimulated, or all three.
When kids are “acting out” in school, being curious about what is going on can lead to information.
Are they being bullied?
Are they not getting enough to eat a lunch?
Are they bored?
Try to be curious, not judgmental or reactive.
13. Try not to Yell
It’s very hard to listen when being yelled at.
When all else fails, whisper.
Get close to them and whisper in their ear.
This tends to surprise them and it doesn’t lead to tears like yelling might.
14. Apologize
It is important to apologize to your child.
If you react to something in a way that you aren’t proud of, you can say “ You know I’m so sorry I lose my temper. That must have been scary for you”.
It doesn’t take away your power at all and it models humility for your child.
15. Connection Above All
None of us wants to have a child who listens and obeys blindly and never complains because that only leads to sneaky behavior and lack of communication.
Final Words on These Tips for Getting Your Child to Listen
It is natural for children to have questions, to disagree, and to have a full range of feelings.
Doing these things may take more time and more energy, but the deep connection you share with your child will make it all worth it.
Remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parent and your child doesn’t need a perfect parent.
All your child really wants most is to feel close to you.