End the Power Struggles with your Kids
Sometimes it feels like there are arguments and power struggles at every turn with little ones.
As a mom and therapist, I know all too well how frustrating and disheartening power struggles can be.
It can feel that way with older kids, too, and a lot of the things I’m going to talk about here can apply to them, too.
Power struggles often pop up in the morning, at bed time, and anytime there is a transition (leaving the house, coming home, ending playtime).
The key to ending power struggles lies in collaborating with your child and planning ahead.
I know how much guilt can go along with frazzled mornings that end with yelling and bedtimes that end in tears.
Let’s dig into the things that may help feel empowered and heard.
Let’s end the power struggles!
Related: The Best Family Games for Rainy Days
How to Create Calm Transition Times
A lot of parents talk about frantic mornings.
Getting out of the house quickly is often a necessity for everyone, as work and school start at specific times.
In order to end the power struggles in the morning, start with getting up earlier.
I KNOW. I know that you are already tired and mornings are already too early, especially if you’re already getting up early to get some alone time before the chaos begins.
Believe me when I say that it is absolutely WORTH IT to get up early enough to catch your breath.
Giving yourself more wiggle room in the morning will allow you to have more patience with kids moving like molasses, dealing with lost papers, and last minute needs for show-and-tell.
Once you are up, take a moment and remind yourself that you are a good parent and that the kids are alright.
This really helps calm your nerves ahead of time because many of us struggle with thoughts that we aren’t good enough.
Remember that everything is okay and don’t brace for a fight right away!
Once your kids are up, try not to rush them.
A rushed child is an anxious child, which can lead to even slower behavior.
Make sure to have a moment of connection when they first wake up (after all, they haven’t seen you all night!)
Now that everyone is in a good mindset, the rest of the morning will go better as long as some things have been put in order the night before.
What to do the Night Before
Here I will say do ANYTHING you can the night before.
Enlist the input of your child as much as possible.
Decide what will be for breakfast and let them choose the bowl and cup; set it out even if you’ll ultimately be preparing it.
Decide on outfits for the entire week on Sunday night and store them in a shoe rack like this, with each full outfit in each cubby (including socks and underwear!)
Use any and all products that will make life easier like spray conditioner for tangled hair, roll on sunscreen , and bug stickers.
You can co-create a morning playlist that will help everyone get moving and maybe even dance while they brush their teeth!
If you have more than one child, definitely incentivize getting to the car with a promise that the first one in gets to pick the first song played!
That last one won’t work for all kids, obviously, due to differing ages and strengths.
There are a lot of games that can be played to get kids out the door, though, including racing them to the car yourself!
Laughter is always a win.
The MOST important thing to know is where your kid is developmentally.
Don’t overestimate their abilities or maturity.
Many kids need help brushing their teeth until 7 or 8, for example.
Kids often need help with tying shoes for months after they’ve learned.
Understanding time and how time works doesn’t kick in until at least age 6.
Give some of this a try and see if you can make mornings more calm and joyful…WITHOUT power struggles!
Related: The Best Family Games for Rainy Days
How to Prepare your Child for ANY Transition
Remember that your child just got here a few years ago.
What seems easy and straightforward to you, may very well not be for your child.
Going on vacation, meeting up with friends, leaving a party, trying a new activity can all be overwhelming for kids.
Anytime you are doing something new or might anticipate that your child will feel overwhelmed or shy, talk about what to expect beforehand.
Anytime you think they may have a hard time leaving an activity, talk about it beforehand.
You can ask your child what might help them feel more comfortable.
You can ask them what might help them feel better about leaving when it’s time to go (while realizing that none of us want the fun to end, right?).
If they are headed for a completely new experience, talk about what is going to happen.
Let them know that you will be there with them and that you’ll always answer any questions.
Finally, let them know that it’s okay to be nervous and you’ll help them if they need it.
Remember This
The reason for power struggles is the desire for CONTROL.
Kids have so little control over their lives.
If you can remember that, you’ll find every little reason to give them some choice and power.
They’ll definitely thank you for it.
